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A man talked to me at the urinal the other day. This is not on, just not on - except that he said: "What's your position on urinal talk?" and that made me laugh mid task, um, like a drain.
Men will know that we keep our eyes forward and our mouths shut in these socially embarrassing positions.
Don't take my word for it. The Waterless Company of America (inventor of the "now famous Waterless No-Flush urinal") nearly agrees: "In most parts of the world, it is not considered appropriate to talk to a stranger while using another urinal. However, if it is a friend or a colleague, then it is not only proper to talk, but considered rude if you don't. Try and keep the conversation short, light, and jovial if possible."
So now you know.
It has further good advice: "When at the urinal, keep your eyes straight ahead, or look down, like you are concentrating on something, whatever that might be. This is universally accepted etiquette around the world, and applies to all sexual orientations."
This is a relief - which is what you expect from a urinal.
Urinals are, of course, intrinsically unfair. They are efficient for men, in contrast to the time-consuming female system. In that sense, they are part of the patriarchy.
Don't take my word for it. Reputable academic studies back me up.
The Flinders University sociologist Lisel O'Dwyer said: "Studies show men take an average of 60 seconds in a toilet and women take 90 seconds - that's 50 per cent longer. If there are the same number of toilets for males and females, this will result in a bottleneck, backing up the flow in and out of the facilities."
Dr O'Dwyer thinks something should be done: "Designers and providers should use a more equitable rather than an equal allocation of space and facilities, so women can take the time they need in a toilet without having to pay for it by waiting longer."
Hong Kong has led the way. In 2015, its new building regulations stipulated that there must be 1.6 female toilets for every one male toilet in public places.
Australia should do the same. The country is progressive and what better legislative change could illustrate our progressiveness.
Of course, as we move towards gender-neutral public toilets, the gender inequity may go away - except that abolishing the urinal merely means that everyone waits longer. And my women friends hate sharing conveniences with men.
So we need more toilets for women. It should be a planning priority. Toilets with cubicles and privacy.
What we don't need is a worrying development in America. An idea which came out of Detroit (a city of innovation) was to have talking urinals. Recordings would be triggered (don't ask) and a voice would advise the user not to drink and drive. "Listen up. That's right, I'm talking to you. Had a few drinks? Maybe a few too many?" the bowl intoned.
No, I don't think so. That is not the Australian way.
By the way, World Toilet Day is on November 19. I'm not making this up. I do not plan any special celebration.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Keep it clean but send your views on gender-neutral toilets. And on the etiquette of conversation in male and female toilets. There, you've got something to go on. Email your response to echidna@theechidna.com.au.
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- "Transformational change" is needed if Australians want to build an inclusive society where those with disabilities are to be respected. After more than four years of public hearings, private sessions and written submissions, the federal disability royal commission's final 12-volume report and its 222 recommendations were released to the public on Friday.
- East Timor has not discussed military co-operation with China in its upgrade of diplomatic ties, President Jose Ramos-Horta said, adding that Australia and Indonesia can "sleep at peace" because the island nation won't be a security concern to its neighbours.
- A man accused of murdering a drug-dealing army veteran said the fatal stabbing occurred due to his "reflexes" after the victim grabbed and threatened to kill him. Raymond Allen, 41, is on trial charged with murder over the fatal stabbing of David McArthur, 48, at a caravan park at Sanctuary Point, in southern NSW, in July 2021.
THEY SAID IT: "Billions of people around the world are continuing to suffer from poor access to water, sanitation and hygiene" - World Health Organisation.
YOU SAID IT: Garry opined on what he sees as the chasm between rich and poor. You responded.
Tom had a short, sharp response: "Join your union, comrades!"
Sue said: "It is time that ordinary Australians had the opportunity to earn a decent living, in suitable, affordable accommodation, able to afford adequate health and dental care for themselves and their families and afford adequate, healthy food options. That really isn't a great deal to ask. The money is there, it just needs to be spread around a little more."
Jeanette said: "Corporate Australia needs to be reminded that without their workers, their businesses would not exist."
And the wave of responses to my piece on the Voice continued (not all of them polite). Mark was angry: "Excuse me! By what right do YOU suggest that any person who votes NO might be racist? I am now changing my YES to a NO - thanks to YOU and people like you!"
Linda was gentler: "Hi Steve, Your article on the referendum made me think. I hope, as an older boomer, that I don't patronise or make judgements when handing out flyers and encouraging people to vote 'yes'. I must admit I often feel angry at the misinformation coming from the 'no' side, the frustration when people are apathetic and haven't even heard there is a referendum coming up. Also my blood boils when boomer friends have automatically decided they will vote 'no', while refusing to read any details."