With the new season of The Bachelor Australia just days from its premiere, Network Ten has revealed the identities of the "22 women competing for Matty J's heart", plus that awkward break-up within 12 months.
Oddly, they announced those contestants via a Facebook Live video on Sunday morning hosted by a rambling Osher Gunsberg, perhaps as a spot of post-church penance for the show's audience.
Here's what we learned ahead of the show's Wednesday debut:
1: Gym workers are to The Bachelor what rock climbers are to Ninja Warrior
It's a tragedy, so many gym instructors in Australia struggling to find true love. But like rock climbers on Ninja Warrior, their skill-set is suited to the treacherous Bachelor course – looking fit in an evening gown, and handling their champagne intake badly.
I counted at least three gym-related professionals in this year's cast, but only one of them was Miss Personality at the 2015 V8 Supercars. Stacey, 26, QLD – this category is yours.
2: Does "(dirty) blonde and sporty" count as cast diversity?
This ol' chestnut pops up with each cast reveal: if The Bachelor is "factual entertainment", shouldn't it reflect fact, rather than an alt-right singles mixer?
To put this season's cast into perspective, there are more contestants who list their hobby as "watching [enter sport] on the couch in their underwear" than there are women of colour, or, you know, brunettes.
3: The cast goes international
Still, there are at least three contestants who aren't from rural Queensland, including "Tahitian goddess" Elora, 27, NSW, and Soviet-born former Australian rhythmic gymnastics champion Akoulina, 29, QLD.
But Flo, 27, VIC, a brand manager from Holland, could be this category's dark horse, considering Osher's expert endorsement: "If you've ever spent any time around Dutch people, you'll know they're very dry, and Flo is a perfect example of the Dutch sense of humour," he said.
Matty J, it's time to meet your Pipo.
4: "If you love cheese platters, you're on the right show"
This is just something Osher Gunsberg said that really makes sense.
5: At least two women will enter the Bachelor mansion in "ways we've never seen before"
The first of these is our "Tahitian goddess" Elora, probably by being "not blonde". The second is Michelle, 31, SA, a police officer, who I imagine enters by rolling across the hood of a cop car.
6: There's only one "tomboy"
Weak tomboy representation, especially since previous champ Sam Frost blazed the trail for their like.
That would be architecture student Leah, 24, VIC, who's the only contestant who can crush tinnies by hand and showcase an MMA leg-lock (not really, she just likes "scuba-diving").
7: The "big moment" of the opening night's cocktail party comes from a midwife
Natalie, 26, South Australia is "loud, she's eccentric and she does not suffer fools," says Osher, hinting that her entry to the show will have "everyone talking". Party epidurals?
- The series starts on Network Ten on Wednesday at 7:30pm.
