A land little boys love because they can stay dirty and the world is their toilet.

I refer, of course, to our recent camping trip.

Evidently I survived the experience. More than that, I picked up many tips and tricks for next time (yes there will be a next time, if only to justify the purchase of so much camping equipment).

For example, I learnt the following:

1 Don't refer to the inordinate amount of time it takes a man to set up his tent, as his ``erection problem''. Even if it does take him more than two hours to get it up. Instead, compliment him on the sheer size of the thing (it's not a tent, it's a polyester holiday home for 12). Make sure everyone knows that the tent's enormity is not a Freudian thing. A tent that large is actually an investment. The family can sleep in one half and rent the other half out to many small European tourists.

2 Camping is supposed to be about simplicity. If you have a 10-page list of things to pack, you've missed the point. Try to remember that your husband is terribly excited about his new roof racks, and will jump at the opportunity to pile everything on top of the car. Next time avoid the whole Beverly Hillbillies look, by packing light. (nb: while the hubby will have no problem loading up chairs, tables, tents, fishing rods, tackle boxes, boogie boards, Eskies, air beds and portable barbecues, he's likely to take offence at one tiny hair straightener).

3 Real men have an instinctive understanding of ``The Camping Code''. The code is not taught, yet campers from all walks of life abide by the code. Some say you're born knowing the code, others say it's whispered on the wind. Either way, the code is a powerful guiding force that must be adhered to, even if it can't be explained to a woman. (It's got something to do with not crossing another man's campsite, and not disparaging the size of his tent).